The last few days have been good, ive not been feeling hungry and i have managed to lose weight. Not alot but im getting there, slowly. I guess its better then putting weight on. Ive been eating alot healthier then ive ever eaten before too which is good. I have alot more fruit and veg. Today i weighed 92. lbs. Thats my lowest weight - ever. Just really wan to get to the 80's then ill be proud of myself.

Yesterday was a sad, boring and depressing day, although im back at 93lbs i just feel and look so fat still. Im getting there though, i just really need to exercise ALOT more as lately i've just been so lazy. Anyway, thursday i had my college interview - hope it went well, she told me im a possible. Don't know what that means - im so worried that i'll not get in, even though i bloody passed the exam and everything. If they dont allow me on the course, ill be so so so  devastated, i really cant let that happen. Anyway, so i went there and then i decided togo shopping in town after. I brought a load of stuff, alot of dresses, a mini skirt - aint brought a short skirt like EVER - and my very first size 4 pair of jeans!!! Thats a US size 0. They're really nice skinny leg and i actually fit in them. im still mainly a size 6, but some clothes they just make bigger. Still, i felt kind of happy that i fit in them anyway. Im totally broke right now and have around £4 in my purse, £2 in my bank account. Not to worry though as i'll be getting paid on Monday.
I went to this one shop and saw this absolutely amazing desiel crop jacket and so i picked it up to try on. I got the size small and although it was over my budget and not very suitable for winter i thought i may buy it if it looked good. A sales assistant comes over to me and says "you ought to get that in a size extra small, as small will be too big" I was thinking yeah right, but i felt chuffed. She said that the smalls were too big for her and they'd be too big for me. i looked at her and my face dropped, she was totally skinny, really tiny. I told her she was really tiny and shes like 'so are you' - i felt so happy.I find it so odd when people say that im small, just beginning of this year i'd get people telling me i were fat.  She went and got me the size extra small and it fit!
I spend over 6 hours shopping that day! At the end i had around 8 bags full of clothes and 0 pence - almost. That night i found it so difficult to sleep as my thighs were killing me. Iguess the walking did me some good - not bad - i love shopping now i have even more reason to do it. 
I saw my sisters friend on thursday and although she didnt say anything to me on my face she told my sister that ive gone so skinny and looked really pretty - thats such a nice thing to say. It made me happy for about a sec. 
My other sister told her boss at work about me for some reason. She said that ive lost weight and now i dont have periods and am constipated - like gosh leave me alone!!! how embarrassing! Her boss started to say about how im messing my body up and how i should eat properly etc. How later on i when im older and want kids i wouldnt be able to have them. i got so annoyed, people really piss me off. It has absolutely nothing to do with other people, especially people who i dont even know. My sister then went on to say how no man will want to marry me as i wont be able to have kids and ill die lonely. Shes such a bitch sometimes. 
Its funny though how she tells me that what im doing is wrong, then says almost every day how she wants to lose weight and wants to eat the same as me. My whole family are totally annoying as they always try and tempt me with fatty food. They get annoyed when i say no. Iknow that they want me to get fatter and be disgusting and gross. i feel sick when i look at my fat rolls, i definetely cannot get fatter.
Yesterday, i felt really fat and ugly. I had to go to the corner shop to get some canned tuna to make a sandwich for dinner as we were out. My mum only buys the tuna canned in fatty oil. Anyway, the man at the store said "whats happening?? you been dieting??" Iwas like "No". He said, you've gone so skinny etc. Then he started asking how much weight have you lost? I mean, mind your own business!! I just so werent in the mood. Felt annoyed by him for some reason. I used to always go to this shop just last year and buy like 4 chocolates and a pack opf crisps plus icecream etc - almost everyday. feel so disgusted with myself. 
But i am NEVER ever ever going to do that again. Im almost there. i have 9lbs to lose. i Can do it!!!

Today i weighed 95lbs, which is still obviously really huge but its better then 99lbs like i was when i binged. i hate it so much when i binge but this last month has been really difficult for me. i guess as i had been eating so less for 10 weeks whilst on holiday, i missed eating and felt really starved. Im not going to starve myself now and the last week or whatever its been singe the last binge, ive been eating quite abit but never going above my limit of 600 calories. Even if i lose weight really slowly at that amount, its better then eating 200 or so cals for a few days, then having a mad binge. I just hope to god that i can continue losing weight at this amount. Im going to be back in education soon - hopefully - i have a interview on thursday. If i do manage to get in that would be so so so good. Plus its so much easier to control what i eat and eat less when im out. i barely think about food when im busy and with all the assignments etc, i surely will be busy. So far today i have eaten:
Breakfast: 30g muesli with 100ml soya light milk (119 cals)
                    1 tea with 1ts soya light milk (1)
Thats 120 cals exactly. But its only 4.30ish yet so i havent eaten dinner yet. Moving back with my mum has been alright. i so far havent been tempted to eat her very greasy and fattening cooking - thank god! she hasnt even been moaning at me about what i eat as she sees that i am eating quite alot anyway. as long as i continue to lose weight i dont mind. I have exactly 11 lbs to go to get to my goal weight, hope i can do it. im going shopping on thursday after my interview, and plan on getting some nice clothes to wear. i wish i were thinner and had a lovely flat stomach - hopefully soon i will.
i did my measurements yesterday and ive put on bloody inches!! i knew it though really as my bones are vanishing. i have had so many horrible binges that it was bound to happen. 
since last month i have put on 1/2 inch on my waist, 1/2 inch on my hips and 1 inch around my navel. But i think that hopefully i will get back to how i was before when i first got back from my holiday by the end of this month. 
I knew id put inches on as my clothes are tighter, plus my ribs and hip bones are vanishing!! thats the last thing i need right now to get fatter, but im going to really give it my all now. i want to be thin by the new year.

Todays been a good day. Went out and actually didnt feel like i was too fat. Although i still have a long way to go to get skinny. Went out shopping yesterday too, met my friend after ages and she was like 'what the hell, your so skinny. Eat something'. i couldnt believe somebody actually was saying to me to eat - thats a first. i normally just get ugly guys telling me to lose some weight. I went to the city centre, thinking im going to buy a load of clothes and stuff. i ended up buying 1 pair of - size 6 jeans(yeah!), and then went cash point to get more money out. The bastards aint paid me a penny! Got so pissed off, and ended up getting some  food (though it was all healthy) and coming home after just hanging around and messing around first. 

Today i spend my last tenner on salad, cereal, tuna etc. I've got a exam/test thing tommorow at college. So have got to wake up early. i hope i do well. Can't believe ive not got any money, guess ill have to ask my mum for some. Im moving back with the family on the weekend, dont know how itll be going back. Hope mum dont moan about what i eat all the time. 
Some far distant relative or whatever came to my mums house. Ive never seen her in my life but went to say hello to her. She lives in a different city to me so thats why never seen her. Anyway, my sisters been ill for about a year and only just has got better. She seen us both and asks my mum, 'which ones the ill girl? the really really thin one?' she was talking about me!! i felt so proud, though how she called me thin is beyond me. my sister got in a huff saying that she hates being bigger then me. how she used to be the thin one, now ive taken over. CAnt believe anyone would call me thin. i have a huge saggy arse and the biggest fattest yuckiest belly in the world. when i sit my thighs bulge out. nothing makes sense. Why have i still got huge fat rolls if im thin??

Anyway, i better go bed now. Ive had around 350 cals today - not bad for me. Have done quite abit of fast walking but really need to do 200 situps now. hope i do.

My names Sabrina and i'm 21 years old. I'm currently studying to become a nurse or prehaps a radiographer - either of the two. I've already completed a two year course in Fashion Design, which was a complete waste of time and money as i don't want to do that any more. I am currently living with my friend Maria but will have to move out soon as she's going to visit her family in India. Am going to miss her so much! The worst thing is i don't know when she'll be coming back or even if she is coming back at all. I'll be back in with my mum and dad for a while - great lol. In a way i'm looking forward to it, but in a way i'm totally dreading it. Dad's gone away for a few months due to his job, so it'll be the rest of them that i've got to worry about. 
As its holidays i've been at home getting kind of bored. Maria's out with her boyfriend and as i'm not in a relationship at the moment i'm stuck home on my own. I really am not in the mood to go out today anyway - feel way way way too fat and ugly. Been eating loads since yesterday evening - don't know whats got into me!
I only got back from my 9 week holiday around 2 weeks ago and since then i've put on 4 pounds!!! Again today i've pigged out and really am dying to have a take-out. Idon't know whats happening and i am hating myself for it.
I've got 14 lbs to lose and here i am putting on more weight! This year i was doing so well. Since 2nd January i'd been eating less and healthier. At the beginning of the year i weighed 136 lbs and now i weigh 97 lbs. When i got back from my hols i weighed 93 lbs. Everyone who came to visit me was saying - wow you've gone so thin etc. Now i ook so fat and discusting its unbelievable. Why did this have to happen??? I just want to get to around 84 lbs asap. I brought a pair of size 6 jeans the other day - was feeling so happy about that as before i was a size 12 - UK size - and when i tried them on yesterday i had a fright. i looked so fat and horrible in them and they've gone totally tight, i had to struglle to pull them up! What the hell is happening to me? Usually people put weight on on their holiday and lose weight when they get back - i lost 16 lbs on my holiday and now am piling it all on again. I feel so sad and depressed and wish i were thin so bad. Stomach has already ballooned up - i HATE me. To top things up i ended up waking up with a spot on my chin. Nobody has mentioned anything about it yet but i know what they're thinking - omg whats happening to her! i really need to find a job to support me whilst i study and want to continue my studies in september - but looking like this - fat, ugly and spotty - i think i might want to just curl up in bed and die instead. 
Im such a faliure, i was feeling actually quite good about myself when i got back from my holiday, felt happy - for once. Now i'm back to depressed. I hate being fat so much - why can't i get thin??